Dear son, sometimes I forget how little you are.

Dear son, sometimes I wonder if I’m doing motherhood right.

When you’re clinging to my leg whining. When you cry if I take away your toothbrush. If you pinch my cheeks, hit my arms, and bite my legs. If I get frustrated because I don’t know what you want and can’t help when you have a tantrum over it. When you wake up at night, or can’t be soothed when you’re sick. When I get frustrated when you won’t lay still for a diaper change and I throw up my hands in exasperation.

Dear son, sometimes I forget how little you are.

You don’t even have two years of life under your belt, and you don’t know a better way. I forget how hard it is for you to communicate to someone who has been speaking for 31 years. I forget how hard it is to be so small in a world so full of big people and things. Sometimes I forget to look at the world through your eyes, and see that sometimes it’s the little things that can cause big tears, but also big happiness.

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Photo via The Milkleech, all rights reserved. No reuse without permission.

Dear son, you make me a better person.

You teach me to slow down and enjoy every moment, because you show me that change happens daily and you won’t be small forever. You show me that some germs and dirt are okay, because nothing is more fun than crawling around a playground or digging for worms in the garden. You remind me how beautiful a single dandelion on a warm spring day can be, or how wondrous it is that a giant metal bird can fly through the sky with the ease of a real one. You demonstrate to me what it means to have one person to be your world, because I am yours, and—truly—you are mine.

Dear son, sometimes I forget how little you are.

So I will try harder every day. Try harder to laugh. Try harder to be patient. Try harder to take a step back. The one thing I don’t have to try harder to do, though, is to love, because my whole heart swells with joy in every smile you give me.

Dear son, I love you.

The truth about motherhood: It really doesn’t matter.

Breastfeed your baby to sleep so they are comforted. Don’t breastfeed to sleep or else they will be dependent. Breastfeed for the minimum of a year. Formula is just as good as breastfeeding. Hold them as much as possible as infants. Don’t hold them too much or else they won’t want to be put down. Help your child so they feel supported, but not too much or else they won’t learned independence. No screen time is good for kids. Unless its Facetime or teaching shows. Stimulate your baby with new experiences. Too much stimulation may make your baby cry more. Let your toddler eat whatever they will eat so they get enough calories. Don’t feed your toddler whatever they want or else they will be picky eaters. Expose your child to many new experiences. Don’t overwhelm your child with too many people and places. Your baby doesn’t need to go to the doctor for every little sniffle. A little sniffle can turn into a double ear infection, or need nebulizer treatment, both of which you won’t know they have because you aren’t a doctor.

Instructions, books, suggestions, advice, guidelines, rules…the list goes on and on. How is a new mom ever supposed to wade through all of the bombarding differences in opinions? For every question I asked, I got three very different answers. Sometimes I Googled, sometimes I asked the doctor, sometimes I asked mom friends, and sometimes strangers or people without kids would give me unsolicited advice. Sometimes ideas worked, and sometimes it made the situation worse.

So seriously, what is a mama supposed to do?

Here’s what I learned in 19 months of being a mother. It doesn’t matter. Okay [for the most part] it doesn’t matter. Of course there are the safety rules you should follow—car seats, rear facing, no bumpers, back is best—but then the rest? Really. Doesn’t. Matter.

Happy Family Mother Child Meringue Cute Mum

It’s not that motherhood doesn’t matter. No, not at all. It has been the most soul-completing, love-gushing, ooey-gooey (sometimes from poopy) experience of my life. I found a new and improved version of me in motherhood, and it has given me a different purpose in my life.

When I say that “It doesn’t matter” I mean that your kid will turn out all right. A-okay. Just dandy.

When my baby was small, I was obsessed with clean floors and not letting him eat a single thing that touched the ground. What happens now as a toddler? He dumps his crackers on the floor and eats it faster than I can get to him. He also likes to try dirt if I’m not fast enough. You want to know the difference between my breastfed baby and his formula fed friend? Zip. They both play with the same toys and are walking and starting to talk, and do dumb and weird toddler stuff like lick windows. Some babies cry it out, some don’t. Some sleep. Some don’t. Some are advanced in walking or potty training, and other aren’t.

What matters is that you try your very best to do right by your baby, while also preserving your sanity. You are no good to anyone if you are on the verge of a meltdown. Your child needs you at your very best, so do your best for yourself and for them, and you will do just fine. Give them love. Give them kisses. Involve them in your day to day tasks. Ask what they think, then nod and agree vehemently even though you have no clue what they just said. Shower them with affection, then let them play on their own a little while you check Instagram.

Here’s the real truth. None of us have any idea what we are doing. It’s like trying to fold a damn fitted sheet over and over every day, but it never turns out straight, but it’s good enough because it’s the best we can do. Parenting is a lot like that. We do our best, and kids turn out just fine. So yeah, my kid might only want to eat blueberries for dinner sometimes. He might throw a tantrum when I won’t let him play with the toilet. But at the end of the day when we look at each other with pure obsessive adoration, I wouldn’t have him be any other way.

The dirty postpartum words no one talks about…

My struggle with postpartum depression and anxiety

I sit, peering at my nails with scrutiny. There’s something so gratifying about peeling nail polish off. The blank Word document sits open at my computer. I avoid looking at the screen. I realize I’m just stalling. I check the clock. 9:06 pm. I should really go to bed. Just another stalling tactic. What if they think I’m complaining? It doesn’t matter what they think. What if they judge me? Who is “they” anyway? Your potential readers. What if they don’t care about what you’re writing? Well that’s true, they might not.

I peel off a few more shells of nail polish, little by little removing the last evidence of my only “me” time I’ve had in months. I just can’t justify a manicure anymore when I left my job to be stay at home mom. Every dollar counts these days.

That’s not what I’m really trying to write about though. I’m trying to write about a topic that I can barely face as my own reality that I’ve been living the past year.

7-27-17 Living with Postpartum depression and anxiety cover

I wouldn’t say that I was truly clinically “depressed” after I had my son. I was never diagnosed with postpartum depression, although those silly surveys you take at the pediatrician’s office probably wouldn’t have caught it if that’s what I was. I wouldn’t have let them catch me either. Who would actually circle answers that had scary words in them like crying, hopeless, harming my baby? I wouldn’t be that mom. Not that mom who couldn’t handle motherhood. I trudged on for months, sleepless night after sleepless night.

So maybe I was. Depression is a nearly impenetrable cloud, and in those days of darkness, I was left in its shadow. It was like the sunlight was trying to cut its way past the murky water to the sea floor; I was always left with dim light, trying to find my way through each day. Each monotonous day with a baby. Over. And Over. Again.

It didn’t feel like I expected. I couldn’t seem to pull myself to the surface for fresh air. I felt like I stagnated at about 50-60% of myself. I never could grasp the last missing pieces to feel like myself again. I was anxious. I had bouts of anxiety for no reason, and when I did have a reason, the anxiety was like a vice around my chest, restricting my oxygen.

I’m not depressed. Not me. I’m doing okay. And the truth was, and is, that I am doing okay. It’s hard to believe that though when I was running on no sleep, no caffeine, and no pharmaceuticals, all because of breastfeeding. All because I love my baby more than anything in the world, and I’d do anything to make sure that he is okay. I fell into the trap of “breast is best,” and I wouldn’t hear of doing anything otherwise, to the possible detriment of my sleep cycles and mental state. Okay, to the definite detriment of my state. I wouldn’t even let my mom feed the baby a bottle so I could sleep more than 2-3 hours in a row.

I never had any serious thoughts of harming my baby. Or myself.  I didn’t cry day after day. I didn’t feel like my days were insurmountable. I always could make it through. This, I believe, is the trap that many new moms fall into. We don’t fit the “mold” of postpartum depression, and no one talks about postpartum anxiety, so we think that this is normal, or worse, that we are the problem, or that this too will pass.

Things are getting better for me now. I haven’t gotten help yet, but I plan to go in soon for a mental tune up (I really need to make that appointment). Maybe it’s the full nights of sleep (except when the anxiety keeps me awake), or maybe it’s the hormones settling back down, but I’m feeling a lot better. I do wish that I had gotten help earlier. I wish that I hadn’t been my own martyr, with an “ever forward” mantra, pushing myself past the healthy limits of physical and mental exhaustion. Getting help, whether it be professional or friendship, doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it. It means I’m smart enough to know that the phrase “It takes a village” is entirely too accurate.

I wish I knew this at the time. I suffered in silence for many months. Now that I’m coming out of that dark tunnel, I’m hoping that I can tell you, new mom, that you aren’t alone. There’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. I blame it entirely on the sleep deprivation and wacky hormones. So don’t worry, you’re doing great. But I also want to encourage you to get help if you need it. Don’t wage your internal war alone. You can be so much happier so much faster when you reach out.

You’ve got this, mama.

 

 

What you need for an airplane ride with baby… and what you don’t.

Recently we traveled with our infant, and it was quite a scene. I made sure to pack all the baby gear essential for travel, but I also wanted to be sure that I included everything I would need for our day in the airport and on the airplane. I stayed true to my travel motto: “It’s better to have it and not use it than be without.” We checked our luggage and the car seat, so I prepared a carry-on bag for each of the parents.

How to pack carry-on bags for traveling with an infant

This is what Bag 1 included:

  • Diapers
  • Wipes
  • More diapers
  • Changing pad
  • Outfit change
  • Warm layer (long sleeve shirt)
  • Plane toys
  • Favorite teether (and teether strap)

Baby Banana Infant Training Toothbrush and Teether, Yellow

Baby Banana Infant Training Toothbrush and Teether, Yellow

  • Book
  • Antibacterial wipes
  • Cheerios
  • Empty sippy cup
  • Sealed jar of pureed meat
  • Squeezy pouch of pureed fruit
  • Hair ties
  • Wallet
  • Cell phone

This is what Bag 2 included:

  • Back up toys in case he got bored with the first bag of toys
  • Snacks for mom and dad
  • Extra shirts for mom and dad in case of unexpected baby blowout/spit up
  • Phone charges
  • Diapers
  • Tablet loaded with apps like keyboard, finger paint, and other touch games for baby’s entertainment
  • Water bottle (purchased at airport)

I am probably leaving some things out. Needless to say, we were packed to brim with what I had deemed as baby essentials. We also had the baby carrier, Boppy nursing pillow, and stroller bag shoved in the bottom of the stroller.

Here is what we actually used in the airport:

  • Diapers
  • Wipes
  • Changing pad
  • Favorite teether
  • Cheerios
  • Empty sippy cup
  • Sealed jar of pureed meat
  • Squeezy pouch of pureed fruit
  • Wallet
  • Cell phone

Here is what we actually used on the plane:

  • Anti-bacterial wipes

Seeing a trend here? Yes I, the notorious over-packer, had over-packed  for our plane ride. Thus, my advice to you is to pare down what you think you need to what you actually need. The airport provides so much stimulation for kids you probably won’t need toys. Walking around or just letting baby peer at all the new people will be enough entertainment. Once you are on the plane, the photo instructional card will provide a lot entertainment for tiny hands, and he probably won’t be interested in anything else.

Suggestions for successfully boarding and living through a flight with a baby

  • Take advantage of the early boarding for passengers with small children. It gives you the needed extra time to get everyone on board and also drop off your stroller on the jet way.
  • Shut the air vents. Unless the plane is very warm, you don’t want germy, recycled air blowing right onto your baby’s face.
  • Take the time to wipe everything down. My friend uses Wet Ones anti-bacterial wipes when she travels, but I could only find some all-natural wipes at the store last minute that claimed to kill viruses too. Apparently they worked, none of us got sick going to or coming from our destination.

WET ONES Antibacterial Hand Wipes, Fresh Scent 40 ea (Pack of 3)

WET ONES Antibacterial Hand Wipes, Fresh Scent 40 ea (Pack of 3)

  • Put all magazines and puke bags somewhere out of baby’s reach. Don’t forget to wipe down your new best friend: the picture instruction card.
  • Don’t count on being able to get to your bag under your seat. With a bouncing baby on our laps and ever shrinking knee space, neither of us could reach our bags. Put anything you might need within easy reach ahead of time.
  • Have a bottle, sippy cup, or boob available for take off and landing. These are the times that pressure changes can hurt little ears, and the sucking motion helps to pop ear drums to relieve pressure.
  • If there is no turbulence and baby is fussy, try walking the aisle with him or standing in the back.

#1 Rule for infant travel…

Don’t. Be. Self. Conscious.

I know this is really hard when you have a crying baby and you are sweating while desperately trying every toy or flapping every magazine at your disposal. Sometimes the day just won’t go well and travel will suck. And that’s okay. Most passengers are either parents themselves who understand, or will just put on head phones, and no one will give you a second thought. The person most upset will be you, so try to not even get to that point. It will soon be a distant memory, and baby will (eventually) take a nap and you’ll be able to start fresh again.

The second best rule is that you can always buy what you don’t have, so don’t worry about it. As long as you have enough diapers, wipes, and food for the day, you’re good to go.

Happy travels, mama!

 

 

 

 

 

*This post contains affiliate links. What the hell does that mean? It means that if you buy anything I mention, I get a few cents for my effort. It costs you nothing additional, but helps me out. I own everything I mentioned and would never recommend some piece of garbage to you. Promise. Happy shopping!

Booking travel and traveling essentials for a baby

We recently traveled with our little guy and it was…. interesting. In short, he is not the best traveler. The first leg of the trip was by plane, the next leg was an hour in the car. T hates being confined, so trying to keep him on our laps and then in a car seat when he was exhausted from missing a nap during travel was the epitome of meltdown mode. Needless to say I really needed a stiff drink when we arrived at our destination.

I also learned a lot from the experience. Things to do the same–and differently– are listed here so you don’t make the same mistakes I did. Of course as the old saying goes: “Babies will be babies,” or something like that, so there is only so much that you can actually prepare for. Some of it you just have to do it and get through it. You’ll survive, your kid will survive, and your sanity? I still can’t account for mine. I will say that the process is worth the destination. Don’t let traveling with a baby scare you away from a much needed vacation (and I know you really need one.)

Booking travel

If you have a young infant, it doesn’t really matter what time you book a flight. Odds are that they will sleep through it anyway. I take that back, if your baby has colic, definitely don’t book it when you know your baby will be all tears all the time. Our doctor suggested avoiding travel at the beginning due to illness exposure, so make sure to check with your pediatrician well before booking or planning any travel. The last thing you want is the little to get sick.

We decided to book our flight in the afternoon during second nap time. We figured that at least T would get a solid first nap and be somewhat tired for the plane and would zonk out. Great theory, unless your flight is delayed an hour and you are left with an overly tired baby that is bouncing around the cabin, yelling for freedom. Lesson: It’s a good theory, but know that things might not work out the way you hoped. I still believe in travel during nap if possible is the way to go; most infants should be soothed by the plane’s engine droning.

Picking a seat

Because I am still breastfeeding, we decided to select the window and middle seat so that I could have some privacy while nursing and hopefully keep T away from the noisy drink cart while he [theoretically] slept. Older, more self aware infant? Book the aisle seat so you can have mom or dad walk baby in the aisle. Good distraction, and you might need it. If you are dual feeding/feeding only with a bottle, for the love of God bring those, too. It is a lot easier than breastfeeding in a tight and very public space, and can also be used for comforting during a car ride. The sucking during nursing or bottle feeding also helps pop little ears to relieve pressure during air travel.

What about buying baby a seat? It is the recommended safety standard, but most airlines allow infants under one year to be on a parent’s lap. On one of our flights, we lucked out and were the only two in a row of 3 seats, and I can say that if you have the bucks to buy a seat every time, DO IT. It was helpful to have the extra space and for one of us to be able to reach for a bag under the seat. On a full flight there ain’t no way you are getting anything under that seat.

Travel gear

For an infant, I prefer to check car seat and luggage as soon as we arrive. It’s less to carry and worry about, and you will need every bit of hand and space available to handle a baby in the airport. I always worry about our car seat getting beat up by rough handling, so I was thrilled to find this padded car seat bag. I even neurotically put bubble wrap between the sides of the bag and seat, just in case. The seat made it unscathed.

J.L. Childress Ultimate Backpack Padded Car Seat Travel Bag, Black

I prefer to travel with a stroller so that I can put my bag underneath in the basket. One of my mom friends prefers to baby carry through the airport and during the flight. Whatever is easier for you and keeps baby happy is the best thing to do. Smaller babies might do better being carried, but older infants like mine want more freedom and prefer to see what is going on. If you choose a stroller, get something light and compact. I have the Kolcraft Cloud stroller, which is lightweight and comes with a great sun hood PLUS snack tray across the front. There is also a pouch underneath. While not the cheapest umbrella stroller, its sturdy and has a few extra features I’m willing to put in a few dollars for.

Kolcraft Cloud Plus Lightweight Stroller with 5-Point Safety System and Multi-Positon Reclining Seat, Slate

Kolcraft Cloud Plus Lightweight Stroller with 5-Point Safety System and Multi-Positon Reclining Seat, Slate

Don’t forget a stroller bag; you will need to collapse the stroller and gate check it when you board the plane. You will get it back plane side when you land at your destination.

Zohzo Stroller Travel Bag for Standard or Double / Dual Strollers

Zohzo Stroller Travel Bag for Standard or Double / Dual Strollers

For a baby carrier, I swear by my Lillebaby. Yes I know, it is very expensive. Mine has stood up to multiple washings, travel, hiking, and every day use. It is also sturdy to support my baby much better than the cloth only carriers (and I have 3 varieties of those I use around the house).

Lillebaby The Complete Airflow 360° Ergonomic Six-Position Baby & Child Carrier, Silver

I am hoping that this information helps you plan your vacation. Remember, you don’t really go on vacation, you just parent in another locale. Check back soon, I’m working on posts about how to pack for traveling with baby and how to survive a plane ride with an infant. The joys of parenthood!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*This post contains affiliate links. What the hell does that mean? It means that if you buy anything I mention, I get a few cents for my effort. It costs you nothing additional, but helps me out. I own everything I mentioned and would never recommend some piece of garbage to you. Promise. Happy shopping!

As the sun sets on my final days of breastfeeding…

The play date was going lovely. The sun shone so brightly upon us in our grassy seating that it seemed like something from a movie. The cows mooed happily in the background, screaming children in field trip groups covered the spans like ants on a picnic blanket. Even the odor of the farm wasn’t offensive enough to cut our trip short.

It’s almost funny in a way that babies so close in age can be so drastically different. What a transformation a few weeks or a month makes in a developing infant. Still, I think our dates are more for the moms than for the babes. It gives us a chance to talk to adults and get out of the house, although we constantly interrupt our sentences to stop wandering hands from pulling hair or to redirect grass-grabbing fingers to toys.  Whenever we ask questions we inevitably have a different answer, thus reinforcing in my mind the 100 different ways to raise a child. They seem to be turning out all right, though.

5-5-17 As the sun sets on my days of breastfeeding cover

T abruptly begins to pull at my shirt. His face forages against my chest like a bear after honey. I look around, suddenly feeling very exposed. Adults and children wander freely around us, and I lament again that T won’t take a bottle on occasions such as these. “Well,” I announce, somewhat to hide my distress, “looks like I’m breastfeeding in public!” The other moms barely glance my way, busy with their own curious foragers.

I hear a loud chugging and turn to see a tractor pulling a wagon full of people. “Maybe I’ll wait for them to go by, at least,” I say out loud to no one in particular with a lopsided and halfhearted grin. I do my best to settle T on my lap, and hunch over him to bring myself close enough for him to latch. I unsnap the side of my bra like a pro, and finagle a nipple out while leaving my shirt in place to cover myself as modestly as possible. I hope no one really notices.

The feeding seems to go on forever. I’m painfully aware of how close people pass to us, imaging some kid saying, “Mommy, mommy, look a boobie!” I’m probably more embarrassed than anyone else is at the moment. The other mom chimes in with a joke, much to my reprieve, about how no one could possibly be upset about my situation, given that the cows are being suckled or pumped just over yonder. The irony is not lost on me. I do feel like a dairy cow right now; a constant source of nutrients on demand, my fenced pasture made of imaginary ties that never truly let me leave T for more than a few hours before being called back again.

I sigh, and T decides he’s had enough and rolls away. I deftly pull down my shirt, lest an offensive nipple see the light of day in public. Once again composed, I think about how one day I’ll miss breastfeeding and the bond that it holds for me and my son. He won’t need me in the same way ever again, another stabbing reminder of how fast he’s growing up.

At each feeding now I try harder to cement the memory into place. How perfectly messy his hair is, those beautiful wandering eyes, those inquisitive fingers grabbing onto my face. I marvel at how I could have ever made such a perfect little being.

Yes one day I might miss my sore nipples, too, because that all comes with the territory of the most intimate connection that is breastfeeding. My sweet boy is growing up fast. I don’t think I’ll mind feeding him for now, just a few more times.

How to (re)do Cry It Out

I can’t believe I’m back here again. Especially because I don’t 100% believe in letting a baby cry to “learn” to sleep. But here I am, on day 3. How did I even get here?

I wrote before about the first time we did Cry It Out (CIO) for sleep training T. It worked so fast it was almost hard to find fault in the method…almost. But then it failed. No one would let a sick or teething baby cry at night, so all of that peaceful sleeping went out the window. So why would I try this method again?

I’m sharing my reasoning and experience so that you, mama, might find solace if you’re going through the same. I’d never try to convince you to try this method, because it is definitely not for everyone. There are many moms who don’t agree with this method, and I totally understand. I can say that I have a foot in that pool as well.

4-21-17 How to (re)do Cry It Out cover

What the hell happened?

We were going through hell at night. Night wakings occurred about every two hours. A quick cuddle or breastfeed wouldn’t always get him back to sleep, sometimes we were up for an hour at a time. My husband would take the first half of the night, and I the second, so that at least we could each get a little bit more sleep—although the crying would wake us up regardless. Whatever bug T and I had lasted so long I didn’t think I could make it. I was getting delirious from sleep deprivation. Adding new teeth to the mix just prolonged the episode. Until T was better, we were helpless. It was all I could do to just survive at this point.

My husband and I discussed at length what the next steps would be. I did even more research than before, reading both professional opinions and sleep consultant websites, books, and talking to many moms who used all different kinds of methods. In our several visits to the doctors, I also asked for their opinions on sleep. The answer stayed the same: “There is no solid evidence definitely for or against the Cry It Out method.” I double checked—no matter what side of the fence you were on, you could find professional research to support your stance. I was leaning towards the camp that said that letting a baby cry was learned helplessness (basically giving up) and not teaching them anything about self-soothing.

Finally, the baby got better. There were no new signs of teeth. I really didn’t want to do Cry It Out again, because frankly I wasn’t even sure it would work again. One doctor said it was normal to have to do a “refresher” after things like illness or travel, but I remained skeptical. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on everyone, though. I was anxious and feeling depressed, the baby had more fussy hours, and my husband was just as tired. Finally, finally, the baby started dropping night wakings. All through the week he would drop a wake until we got to one blissful night of one wake. It was like the clouds had opened and showered me in warm fuzzies and glitter. I was cautiously optimistic—would this be it?

He’s up again…

That was short lived. The glitter was scratching my eyes up anyway. The next night T was up every hour, sometimes even less. The night after that he woke up four times within the hour after going to bed. With everyone at the end of their frayed ropes, we started Cry It Out…again. Since T is just a few months away from being a year old, the research I had done/what other parents said suggested that the “crying” intervals be longer than they had when we started the first time. We started at 20 minutes, then my husband went to check on him. Wow did that piss Baby T off. He wasn’t that upset before, but the check-in actually made it worse. Since T was cycling between complaining crying and silent sitting, we decided to let him be. It wasn’t going as bad as I had expected (not that an upset baby is ever easy). The first night took 50 minutes by himself to settle down. The second night: a little over an hour. The third? Ten to fifteen minutes. I’m as baffled as you might be reading that, but yes, somehow by some sprinkley, air-borne magic he settled down quickly with hardly a protest.

“Oh fuck what time is it?” — Night wakings

The first two nights T only had one night waking each. It was such vast improvement so quickly it really is hard to hate the method. We let him complain for five minutes to see if he’d settle down (he didn’t), then I went in for a quick change and feed. All business, no rocking or singing or anything, then straight back to bed. He woke back up when I put him down. The first night he cycled for an hour. The second: 5-10 minutes. I’ll let you know how tonight goes…

So am I permanently damaging my kid or what?

That’s the real question, and it depends on who you ask. Although I don’t like the method, we didn’t implement gentle sleep training methods early enough in T’s life so here we are, and we have to deal with it the best way possible. This is how I justify putting all of us through the ordeal:

  1. It’s fast. I don’t know why CIO works as fast as it does, but it does. This means minimal upset for a very short length of time.
  2. It’s working. Because T isn’t full-fledged crying his little eyes out, I can (kind of) handle it. If he was tears-streaming, hiccupping sobbing, I might be writing a different post. Because he is older and cycling with quiet periods where he is clearly settling himself down with his lovey or feeling his sleep-sack fabric, I feel a teensy bit better about the process.
  3. Everyone is getting more sleep i.e. is feeling/functioning better. When we were all sleep deprived it showed. As much as his crying sucks, it doesn’t seem fair to subject a baby to sleep deprivation that is affecting his daytime mood and capabilities as well. One of my books said that it is just as important to preserve an infant’s sleep as it is to care for his other basic needs, which I can agree with.
  4. I’m not setting the stage for a dictatorship. At some point, a parent cannot let the child dictate what happens when and give in to cries and protest. If a child throws a temper tantrum over brushing his teeth or taking a bath, do you give in and say “Okay, you never have to.” No, obviously, you don’t. What is the line between nurturing versus teaching when it comes to sleep? I don’t know, but at this point in time the line for making bedtime bedtime for this family is now.
  5. The sleep crutches have to be broken sometime. I tried the gentle methods of breaking T’s bad sleep habits (breastfeeding, rocking, singing, holding, etc) and they didn’t work. Going cold turkey is definitely harsh, but I make up for all of the above during the day when it counts most.

And most importantly….

  1. It is what is right for our family right now. I could absolutely be singing a different tune by next week. Maybe things all fall apart this weekend. Maybe it all backfires. Maybe it actually works this time. I honestly don’t know. The only thing I know is that fragmented sleep wasn’t working for anyone, so something had to be done. This is the something we chose. It may or may not be right for your family, but only you can decide that. I encourage you to do your research, talk to your doctor, and make an educated decision that works for all of your family. The only other thing I can say is

Good luck. Sleep training fucking sucks.